The Real Gold Standard

Advice on Women: A Woman's World

An old college buddy sent me a text message today and asked me if i was able to give him any advice on women. I chuckled to myself and texted him back that I could use some as well. This is a hard one. In my old age, I know two things.

WOMEN who approach MEN??

One is that when it comes to women and affairs of the heart, I'm just guessing. The second thing I know is that things have changed.

Now I am going to say something very prophetic here. This all ties in with women's lib, the independent woman and the fact that there are a lot of men out there these days that feel emasculated.

Are you ready ? Can you handle it?

Women are the new men !!!!!!!!!!

For all you macho guys out there that can bench press 300 pounds, what I just said is absolutely true. If you think you are a match for today's woman, think again. They live longer and when it comes to head to head competition, they've got you beat hands down. It's just a simple fact. Let me go back to my high school track days. I had just finished running the 500 meter dash and my coach was "none to happy" with my uninspiring performance. I wasn't exactly happy either, but it was over. I would live to run another day. Anyway, my coach and I were watching the girls or should I say young ladies run? They were running extremely hard. In fact, a few of the participants were on the verge of tears from having run so hard. My coach turned to me and said, "you know those girls really give it their all." Little did I know that I would be writing about it twenty eight years later. Maybe my coach was trying to tell me something. Maybe he was trying to tell me women are tougher than men and that I need to watch myself.

Even my man Starkey realizes the futility of the macho man. Starkey categorically refuses to chase women. At first I thought he was out of his mind, but never underestimate someone who is cooler than the other side of the pillow. Now then, Starkey and I were out one night and he refused to move from the spot he was sitting in. I would have stayed and joined him, but the good looking women were on the other side of the room. As far as i was concerned, Starkey was off his proverbial rocker. I was going to where the action. I'm sure that night i was as persistent as a door-to-door vacuum cleaner salesman. However my efforts were to no avail, as Starkey was soon joined by the woman I had so foolishly walked across the room to pursue. Needless to say, it took me a several nights out with the master to realize I just didn't get it. Starkey knew what I didn't. That's right, they hold all the cards.

Case in point, I was out having a drink with a couple of my thirty year old friends. We went to a bar on Capitol Hill for a quick drink. In my mind, I was getting out to have a beer. In other words, I wasn't in girl chasing mode. Anyway, we were sitting around a wood table taking about, of all things, women. Imagine that, huh ? My friend was relaying the sordid details of an old relationship when two girls who couldn't have been more than five years removed from college approach me at my table. The girls were smiling and bubbly not unlike some of the women you see in those "Girls Gone Wild Videos." Naturally I smiled and imagined myself on "The Girls Gone Wild World Tour." After I woke up from my short lived dream, I got their names and introduced them to my much younger colleagues. I asked them if they were enjoying themselves. It was a stupid question, because obviously they were. Well the Bobsey Twins informed me that they had to run upstairs for something and that they would return to our table. Needless to say, my younger cohorts were amazed and thought I had the magic touch. Now I could have lied and told these guys I was a chick magnet but that wouldn't exactly have been true. Instead, I was honest.

"Gentleman," I started out. "Times have changed. These girls are too strong out here for you to think that you are in control. You let the game come to you. Gone are the days when the doe eyed girl waited in the corner for the star quarterback to ask her to dance. It's the year 2010 and women are doing the asking."

Now to get back to the advice my friend originally wanted. Let's just say my advice to him was to do nothing. Nobody likes banging their head against a concrete wall. When it comes to women, they are going to do what they want to do. No amount of cajoling, scheming or maneuvering is going to help. Just let them decide.

　

Rashad vs. Rampage-UFC 114 Preview: Black on Black Crime

UFC 114 Rampage Jackson vs Rashad Evans "Black on Black crime"

I was sitting in the barber shop resigned to the fact that I would be spending a couple of hours waiting for Rufus' chair to be empty.  Now mind you, I am a black man so the only patrons in the shop were African American.  A gentleman sitting to the right of me asked me if I was going to watch the fight tomorrow night.  I almost couldn't believe my ears.  Surely this man was talking about a boxing match, but he wasn't.  He was talking about the Rashad Evans, Quinton "Rampage" Jackson mixed martial arts contest tomorrow live from the MGM Grand in Las Vegas.  His next question to me was who did I think is going to win the fight tomorrow.  I have been contemplating that very question all week.

Every mixed martial arts fan that watches the UFC and thinks Dana White should be out next president has an opinion on this.  Rashad Evans is a former stand out wrestler from Michigan State University.  Quinton "Rampage" Jackson is a high school wrestler who grew up in the mean streets of Memphis,Tennessee.   He was headed in the wrong direction until he took up the sport of wrestling and, eventually, started fighting in the Pride Fighting Championships.  Normally most brothers who frequented the barber shop wouldn't care one bit about mixed martial arts.  However, this is different.  Rashad and Rampage are both black men and they can't stand each other.  No this isn't just two prizefighters who are trying to hype a fight and sell tickets.  Their hatred for each other is real.  These two men cannot be in the same room without almost coming to blows.  Rampage thinks that Rashad is cocky and talks too much sh#$%^t.   On the other side of the fence, Rashad thinks Rampage acts like the stereotypical "step and fetch it" black man. Rashad feels that Rampage's public persona is degrading to all black men.

The conventional wisdom here is that we have a brawler versus a highly technical striker. The brawler would be Rampage and, of course, the technical striker would be Rashad. Don't get it twisted both of these men are professional fighters. When I say professional i mean these mean are both well schooled in the rudiments of hurting another man. I would give Rampage the edge in power and strength. I would give Rashad a considerable edge in speed and wrestling. After all, Rashad wrestled in college at one of the premier wrestling programs in the country.

I know what your question is. Who wins the fight? My answer to that question is that it depends.  If Rashad stays away from Rampage and sticks and moves, he will frustrate Rampage and systematically break Rampage down.  Rashad is clearly the more technically trained and better conditioned athlete.  If he moves and pummels Rampage repeatedly with those nasty leg kicks, Rampage's mobility and power will evaporate.  The fight will be a veritable clinic of what happens when an elite athlete executes a well thought out game plan.   Rashad will win by decision and be no worse for the wear.

The opposite scenario occurs if Rashad gets careless.  In this scenario, Rashad decides he is tougher than Rampage

UFC Primetime: UFC 114 Rampage vs. Evans - Part 1 HD

 and stands toe to toe with Rampage.  This would be a huge mistake.  Quinton "Rampage" Jackson has a punch like coal truck.  Not only that, Rampage has a granite chin.  In other words, it is pretty darn hard to knock Rampage out.  The other way Rampage wins is if he gets a hold of Rashad and delivers one of those patented body slams he is so famous for.

Do you want my opinion of what's going to happen? It's very simple.  Rashad starts the fight out delivering an ungodly amount of leg kicks. Then Rashad starts jabbing Rampage to death with that lightning fast jab of his.  Mix in the occasional take down and it's a long night for Mr. Jackson.  What makes this fight interesting is the veritable cornucopia of trash talking that has taken place and the obvious difference in fighting styles. For 44 bucks, this fight will be well worth the cost of admission.

The Harridan Papers

How to cope with a female bully boss

Maybe you know who I am talking about. If you don't, consider yourself lucky. Look at the reptilian face of Governor Jan Brewer and you'll figure it out. I'm talking about the woman that will shoot you a disapproving stare while her spectacles rest about halfway down her nose. She's the gatekeeper. If you even think you are going to get in to see the Mr. Big, you can forget it. The harridan is sitting behind her desk in a white sweater that smells like moth balls and your chances of getting an appointment to peddle your wares or pitch your idea are somewhere between impossible and no chance. That's right. If you do have an appointment, find a comfortable chair Sonny because you are going to be cooling your heels for a while.

The harridan doesn't always work as a secretary. No, that's just one example. More often than not, the harridan has ascended the corporate ladder and left several sets of broken bones in her wake. Her tactics and moves would make Sun Tzu and Machiavelli proud. She may be one of several vice presidents in a corporation. She didn't attain that position by being overly intelligent. Now don't get me wrong, she's as smart as the next guy. But brilliant would not be a word I would use to describe this woman. Her promotion was achieved by crushing the cajones of her male peers. Needless to say, what she did wasn't particularly graceful or pretty. Let's just say that the other men in her office will do everything they can to stay out of her cross hairs. Yes, that's right. All those big strapping executives are scared to death of her. This woman has no compunction about deleting files and using whatever methods she can to screw you if you even think of crossing her.

If you're an attorney, she was probably your first boss. She gave you an assignment that was impossible to do and even more impossible to complete on time. As you tore your hair out trying to finish the assignment, you heard her coming toward your door. The clicking of her high heeled shoes and indefatigable gait was unmistakable. Her breathing was getting progressively louder outside your closed door. You closed your eyes and prayed that she would disappear into thin air. Inevitably, she would bang on the door four times rousting you out of that fine Corinthian leather chair you know you didn't deserve to be sitting in. She would invariably question you about the little project she gave you with a cold blank stare. You would do your best to explain your progress and she would see right through your charade. There would be a less than amused expression plastered across her face and then as quickly as she came in, she would be gone. Her absence was ominous and so was your future with the law firm.

Now don't get me wrong. I'm not sexist. I'm not saying I dislike the harridan. Ok correction, maybe I do. Who is this woman and how did she get like this? One thing I know. She has got to have a short memory. Maybe she forgot at one time she was a lowly associate or management trainee who had no bloody idea what she was doing. Maybe she forgot that one of the firm elders took her under her wing when she was younger and didn't shake her confidence when she made a dumb mistake. All I know is that through hard work, luck and maybe even a little help from her rabbi, she made partner. I'm sure she deserves her title, except she needs to remember she wasn't always the boss. It would behoove her to be a nice because what comes around goes around.

Yo Man, I Left My Air Jordans Under Your Mom's Bed: Parental Discretion Advised

Cougars: Ep#10 - Cougar's Revenge

If there were ever fighting words, the headline of my story would be enough to make most men go down to Knuckle Junction. There is nothing that can get a man off the couch quicker than talking about his mom. Case in point, what is up with the ugly rumor circulating that LeBron James' teammate, Delonte West, slept with LeBron's mom? This is a fine example of playing the dozens but only on a greater scale. There are a lot of things in this society that are certainly off limits. For instance, it ain't a good idea to sleep with your brother's wife. Another prime example of "out of bounds behavior" would be sleeping with your best friend's wife. These are two examples of what I would call stretching the outer limits of human decency.

Is the rumor true ? Honestly, I don't know. Of course, we all know that LeBron's performance in the playoffs was not up to the mark. His teammate, Delonte West's play lacked a certain synergy that it had before the Celtics series. Whatever the case may be, I think the rumor is certainly a nasty piece of business. Much has been made lately of the role of the Cougar in today's society.

Cougar-An older woman who frequents clubs in order to score with a much younger man. The cougar can be anyone from an overly surgically altered wind tunnel victim, to an absolute sad and bloated old horn-meister, to a real hottie. Reference taken from the Urban Dictionary.

I would be sexist if I expressed my dismay about how older women corner younger men in ninth floor conference rooms all across America for clandestine late night sexual liaisons. But, alas, I'm sorry if I feel the overwhelming need to comment on these strange and frequent occurrences. I must confess that I am little bit miffed. You see, I was woken up this morning by a text message from an old girlfriend who just happens to be in LeBron's mother's age group. The text message had a half naked picture of my old girlfriend with an urgent request for whipping cream and another request that I make a timely arrival to her house. Of course, the request was obviously not meant for "yours truly." However the rascal that I was, I couldn't resist the chance to have a little fun with it. I first asked my old flame what brand of whip cream she wanted me to bring over. There was a considerable electronic silence on the other end. My next statement was to inform her that I thought the request was not meant for me. It clearly wasn't, which was fine. I then submitted another query asking her what she planned to do with said whip cream once it was promptly delivered to her house and, I'm sure, eventually to her sleeping chamber. Finally, I'm sure after much soul searching, she decided to respond and informed me that her naked text was all a big misunderstanding. The gentleman that I was, I told her that I was intelligent enough to gather that it was all a big error. However the mischievous little kid in me couldn't resist having more fun with it. In other words, I was not about to let her off the hook. You see I was traumatized as a young chap. In 9th grade I sat in Latin class while a priest, who by the way has to take a vow of celibacy, grilled me repeatedly about the proper way to translate Caesar's Gallic Wars. Let's just say, you haven't lived unless you have gotten embarrassed in front of thirty of your prep school classmates for not doing the previous night's homework assignment. I figured I would pay it forward by not letting up on my old girlfriend.

I proceeded to persist in my investigation. I informed my old squeeze that I know there has got to be some sort of juicy story behind her mistaken text and, well, a brother wants to hear it. After all, I am sucker for a good story. Aren't you? I know you are probably wondering why this little scenario is relevant to the LeBron James' rumor, but as I said before Lebron's mother and my ex are around the same age. So am I accusing my ex-girlfriend of being a Cougar? No not necessarily, but I have to believe this mysterious whip cream delivery boy might be a little younger than me.

Delonte West Sleeping With LeBron James's Mother Gloria James ? (Credit To RocketsAriza)

Maybe it's true, maybe it's not. I don't know. I'm sure I will never get the truth. Do I have an ax to grind ? Absolutely not, the Constitution of the United States grants us all the right to pursue happiness in whatever way we see fit. My only objection is being rousted out of deep slumber by promises of homemade pancakes and whipping cream that wasn't meant for me. It looks like I will be visiting my local International House of Pancakes, alone.

Anyway, we all know there is no shortage of older well heeled gentleman getting their groove on behind closed doors. The role of the older man leaving his wife in favor of the young secretary has been celebrated in works of fiction, movies and, unfortunately, in real life. The heart wants what the heart wants. As much as we don't want to admit it, a sexual liaison between an older woman and a younger man ain't got nothing to do with the heart muscle. There are a lot of muscles involved, but the heart ain't one of them.

Now back to the ugly rumor that has been spread. If it is true, it certainly would be a new low in team sports.

Arizona a Jewel of Educational and Legislative Ignorance

Arizona Bans Ethnic Studies

It's not often that I accuse an entire state of being in the proverbial dark ages. We are living in a time with some of the greatest technological innovations since the invention of the automobile. Unfortunately with innovation comes ignorance. The ignorance stems from those who have so horribly failed to reconcile the past with the future. Arizona Governor, Jan Brewer and Arizona School Superintendent, Tom Horne are prime examples of our educational system's glaring failures. Somewhere, somehow, somebody has neglected to inform these individuals that the educational process never stops. Education is like a ten million square foot library with fifteen foot shelves filled with volumes you could not possibly read or master in one lifetime.

　

I am an educated man. In fact, I am a very well educated man. Despite this fact, I am the first to admit that I have a lot to learn about a lot of things. My education continues every day of every hour of my life. I know a lot, but there are far fewer things that I do not know. My knowledge of other cultures is very limited and I welcome the opportunity to learn. With one sweeping stroke of a pen, Jan Brewer and Tom Horne have eviscerated the chance for children to learn about their own culture. It is not a crime for someone to learn about their own culture. I submit to you that a person who has cultural self awareness is a proud person who can add to the richness of this society. Truly enlightened people want to learn. They are interested in the oral and written history of all peoples, brown, tan, white, purple and green.

Ignorant people resist and protest about the chance to learn about other cultures. They cordon their minds off from those who have backgrounds and opinions that differ from their own. They don't know and don't want to know. Maybe they are afraid that another culture may possess the ability to resolve a problem better than their culture does. Who knows? All I know is that resistance like this is petty and short minded. Education is not a competition between competing subject matters. Education is a process. This process is a gift handed over by concerned and, hopefully, enlightened educators.

I have been inspired to write this piece by Dr. Chris Heidelberg. Chris made his position very clear about Arizona's lack of educational freedom in a very well written historical context. However, I do not feel the need to justify my opinion of Arizona's latest educational edict. Governor Brewer and School Superintendent, Tom Horne's latest actions smack of an ignorant paternalism that those in the know have grown tired of seeing. Both the latest immigration and educational law are transparent in their inception and are exactly what people don't need or want in such a critical time in this country's history.

We need Black History, American History, Mexican History and European History taught in our schools. Why do we need all these subjects taught to our children? Because the sooner we get an historical perspective about the each other, the sooner we can effectively interact with each other in the present. If that happens, this will be a better and more peaceful world. That my friends is The Real Gold Standard.

Whatever Happened To Academic Freedom in Arizona?

By Dr. Chris A. Heidelberg III, Publisher & Producer

Do you know why so many people in America especially people of color are so angry that they can't hear what key lawmakers are saying? These folks are upset and cannot hear Governor Jan Brewer's words! Why? The governor's actions shout so loudly that she just doesn't get it and neither does State School Chief, Tom Horne!

Yesterday, Gov. Brewer signed a bill targeting a school district's ethnic studies program. State School Chief, Tom Horne refers to courses specializing in African American, Mexican American and Native Americans as just as bad as racist programs in the segregated South. What? But wait there is more!  Specifically, Mr. Horne stated to the AP, " It's just like the old South, and it's long past time that we prohibited it." Wow!  The citizens of the good state of Arizona actually elected this guy twice? My first question about Mr. Horne is where did this fellow study education, and what is his educational research area? Guess what Chip, this guy is one of yours: an attorney- educated at Harvard. He really could use an earned doctoral degree in education to get some of the litigator out of him and some of the nurturing educator in him because educational research is not the law and not necessarily driven by precedent. Quality education is driven by innovation, research and the willingness to learn new things and to challenge the status quo by listening to the people at the bottom because their views, feelings and history are just as important part of history as Anglo history because it is all American history. Anglos need to stop trying to homogenize people of color!  Historically, it has been fought tooth and nail by everyone from Native Americans, to Chinese workers in the West to Blacks and Hispanics in the south and the west. Yet Anglos still do not understand why so many Anglos are angry.

Harvard is a great school, and has educated some pretty smart folks, but letting an attorney without an earned doctorate in education act as the state's point man on secondary education says a lot about why Horne pushed for years to get rid of a Mexican-American studies program because it teaches Latino students that they are oppressed by white people. Horne seems more interested in making political points to win higher office than getting data from the students and families on how they feel about these programs. Mr. Horne, this is not about you or your political ideology or even mine, it is about these children and obtaining some "buy in" from these children and their parents into the system and into America. Stop quoting Dr. King's "content of character" line because it makes you look like a stereotypical ill-informed person about people of color: Dr. King said one day! He did not say next week, next year, next month or today: he said one day!  One day in historical terms often takes decades or centruries! Too many well meaning people adopt this idealist view without thinking about the very time that we live in today! One cannot go to from points A through Z without going points B through Y! Before we can ever deal with Dr. King's Utopian ideal, we still have to deal with the reality of today that literally took at least 400 years to form. We are obviously somewhere between the beginning and the middle of the alphabet based on the fact that we are still having to deal with laws that resemble some of the Black codes of over 100 years ago. Too many Anglos, and some minorities too, use the old "content of character" line to justify bias whether they realize it or not, and they need to start getting called on it! Unfortunately, we are not at that " one day" and Anglo action that is unilateral and forced will not get the desired change but will get passive resistance that you will never see regardless of any data you may obtain to say that this new law has worked. If you think the Tea Party folks are upset, you should get with groups of Blacks, Asians, and Latinos and listen to how they feel about laws and approaches like this.

This tactic of using the "content of character" line has not worked, and in fact it is often viewed as a code word by people of color. The simple truth is that people of color view the governor and you, Mr. Horne, as the enemy, and unfortunately as people with major racial issues. Stop using the old conservative mantra that the victim is now the racist, it makes you, the governor and the state of Arizona look bad and you and the governor are better than this, so stop playing this game! Remember, the true racists have the power to back up their prejudices through sheer numbers, economic power, social pressure and brute force. Everyone has prejudices, but few have power! In this nation, it is obvious that Anglos have had the sheer numbers, economic power, social pressure and the use of brute force when needed to maintain the social order. So let's be clear, real racism is when one can exercise one's prejudice en masse. The sheer numbers of Hispanics and their growing economic and social power is clearly making some people very nervous and afraid in places all over the country. This is just not about undocumented or illegal Hispanics, the Hispanic citizens whose lineage preceeded the Mayflower in places like Sante Fe, San Antonio, and Florida have been unfairly sucked into this equation simply because of their physical appearance and sometimes their dialects or accents. When people who have been historically discriminated against are having major problems with your new laws and policies you should be very concerned especially since you cannot prove what you assert, but former students like me can say that courses like this worked for me and a group of my friends who are now very well educated. Listen! Stop ordering folks around because you can! Listen to all of the people that you claim to serve! Listen to their fears and not your own because that is what real leaders do! Heavy handed tactics often have the boomerang effect, and this will not be good for America.

As an African American with Native American, Anglo, Asian and Hispanic lineage in my background, I am always entertained when well meaning Anglos attempt to tell me how I am thinking and how I am feeling based on a program designed to help racial minorities. You noticed that I said entertained, and yes I am laughing out loud because it clearly demonstrates that these folks just don't get it! You have never been a person of color for one second in your life and you cannot understand what it means unless you have lived with the reality and the scary moments that often accompany being a person of color in this society that has a bad history that legally ended in the mid 60's but was not established firmly until the 1970's. You cannot undo 300 plus years of extremely bad treatment of people with 40 years of better treatment that still has way too many ugly episodes. Affirmative action was started in the early 70's and was already disabled by the early 80's and both at the hands of Republicans. Welfare was largely utilized in the 1960s to assist Blacks and the poor by Democrats, but instead it became one of the worst injuries ever inflicted on Blacks and the poor in this nation and was radically reformed by Democrats at political gunpoint by House and Senate Republicans. Some Anglos just don't get it and people of color see through this and other tactics being used to keep them in their place. It takes time to really look in the mirror from a historic perspective. Some, not all and not most, Anglos want to spend as much time learning and talking about the real history of America and the contributions of people of color as a motorist in an empty drive through line, a man getting paternity results from Maury Povich from a woman that he is not dating, and that dreaded trip to the dentist office for root canal. Simply put, they would rather die or opt out rather than learn the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth from multiple perspectives. Maybe this is part of the reason so many neighborhoods and public school systems are more segregated now than during the 1960's? I say make mandatory public service or military service the law of the land so that people from different places can get past their parents and elders because this form of ignorance is reprehensible in the Twenty first century.

This is dangerous ignorance and it not only needs to stop, it has to stop in order for Arizona and the nation to move forward successfully, but it cannot and will not happen until some Anglos in critical leadership positions in Arizona and America can learn to listen to the minorities and enable all Americans to learn that they had a role in the building of this great nation. As one scholar said to me today, Arizona has pulled back the covers, and exposed a bunch of sheets that we can now see in broad daylight and other states are doing the same thing too! An Anglo can't tell someone of color how they feel when their history books ignore, minimize or only tell part of the contributions of people of color. I challenge anyone willing to learn about history and foreign born leaders to come to the Smithsonian and go online and read what Thomas Jefferson and his supporters, the liberals, used to say about Alexander Hamilton and his supporters, the conservatives. The result was a Bill of Rights with a concession to the Madison and the Jeffersonian wings with a  strong national government and the capitalist economic system. Interestingly enough, folks who didn't like each other actually worked together to create something? Yes, it was a little thing called The Federalist Papers that advocated the adopting of The Constitution by the states and it had support from across the aisles from people who literally hated each other even those who died on the same, July 4th, in the cases of John Adams and Thomas Jefferson.

Sorry my Anglo brothers who share the mindset of Mr. Horne, you just don't get it; you never have; you never will and that is the point! I am not angry about it, I get it! We are all products of our environment, and it is very difficult to rise above the heard and tell your own folks that they are wrong for feeling and voting a certain way, but educated leaders of substance do it. Sam Houston, the founder of Texas, stood for right during the run up to the Civil War. Lyndon Johnson did it by going after the Klan and Richard Nixon did it by establishing Affirmative Action. Real leaders are often hated in their time for doing thing or standing up for the right thing when it was unpopular. In hindsight, these things that these historic figures did was sheer genious in retrospect.  In 15 or 30 years when the Hispanics are the majority in Arizona and nationwide, I can guarantee that folks like Mr. Horne will be extremely upset and cry revisionism when programs that promote what Hispanics view as part of white dominance are made illegal by the stroke of a pen. Mr. Horne was never a Black man in the deep South during the Civil Rights era or even post Civil Rights era, so he absolutely has no clue as to what he is talking about and he is spouting dangerous rhetoric that is devoid of facts and experience. However, my grandfather, father, uncles and older cousins told me stories of being terrorized, followed and detained while traveling. I even witnessed them being stopped by a few rogue cops and by citizens with unenlightened viewpoints while driving and walking in certain areas as a child. What made it worse was that my grandfather could pass as white and often had to do it to help other Blacks during that time and he absolutely hated it! He was treated differently unless he claimed he was Black and "Reds" often had to take one for the team so to speak to make sure that folks kids got medicine, clothing or other things during segregation. I got a tiny taste of what the older men told me when I had the experience of being the Jackie Robinson of my neighborhood and my school in the late 1960's as a child and the feelings were real: real frightening, real segregationist, real dangerous, real angry or in short real racist. I was called the N word, C word and other assorted words like the S word because of my interesting appearance and last name as a child.

I had a conservative nun who was liberal on race who nurtured me and found stories of various Black historic figures in literature, warfare, science and religion and let me know that I could be just like them. Mr. Horne does not know how it felt to be reminded daily by people who did not know me that I was considered sub-human. Fortunately, the good people at my school and their kids eventually stood up for me and put the less enlightened racial idealists in their places and I even won some over in time. In short, I did not hate white people even though I was literally being oppressed by some of them and it was socially acceptable at that time for them to do it in my Southern state which is a border state. I do not hate whites now despite being stopped on the road and in stores and searched despite never being arrested. It is humiliating, but you learn to live with the fact that you may resemble some unknown suspect or you are driving a late model sports car which has been my real experience. I literally had to stop driving my sports car because of how many times I was stopped by well meaning officers who usually apologized most of the time, but some were plain scary at night when I was alone on a dark road or highway. Hate requires a lot of energy and it eventually tears you up, and that is not how I use my energy, and life is just too short to waste good time!

What I hated was when I found verified evidence from white scholars that was considered fact, I realized that some people only wanted people to know part of the truth and and not the part that made Anglos looked bad for doing bad things in America. Listen, every ethnic and racial group has horrible people and great people. Unfortunately, Anglos did some bad things like slavery and cultural destruction of Native Americans that have a lasting legacy that still lives in too many places. This doesn't mean that Anglos haven't contributed mightily as the dominant culture in America because they have, but Anglos need to let go of the "old Allen Iverson attitude" described by Charles Barkley of  "me, myself and Iverson" and share the ball because everyone helped to create the America of today! The dominant group in a culture gets better when they learn about their past. Why? So that they learn from it! So that they don't repeat it! So others will learn from their example! Remember if one ignores history makes it easier to repeat the identical mistakes or worse. Why does Germany do a better job than America of dealing with there terrible past? They confront it directly with education! Fear is what has given us racism! Education trumps fear and ignorance, and the cigarette fight is a prime example for those of us who can finish the sentence that begins with, "Winston tastes good..." If you do not know the answer to this line that is the result of a successful educational campaign by the anti-smoking groups who had these ads taken off the air and magazines, so that young people would never fall victim to the tobacco lobby's extremely successful campaign that worked for years until Joe Camel got busted! However, if you do know the answer to this line this is also the result of the tobacco lobby's very successful educational advertising campaign since that ad has not been run for close to forty years or more!  Why do you still remember it so clearly? Good education execution can still obtain the desired results: due to something called the stickiness factor. The stickiness factor is what enables the desired message and education nuggets to stick to the brain over time. This is why education is important because bad education has a stickiness factor too! This is why racism, sexism and other isms survive: they are taught! Yes, racism is often taught at home, and the government has a stated and Constitutionally mandated right to insure fairness to all citizens through the equal protection clauses, so this is not about political correctness: this is about the upholding of the Constitution!

 At the end of the day, this measure is figuratively and literally strike 3 for Arizona in the eyes of many Latinos, African Americans, Native Americans and Anglos alike!  Arizona lost many Native Americans a long time ago; and the fact that the state only accepted the King holiday after economic boycotts like we are seeing now over the "show me the papers' law that passed today sealed Arizona as the new deep South. There is a notion with Supreme Court support that suggests that the government not interfere with academic freedom in the learning process. This law clearly interferes with academic freedom and it is a joke that the foxes are now afraid that the hens may get together in solidarity to hate all the foxes, organize a hen union to fight foxes and organize a fox hunt to thin the herd of greedy foxes. Yes this sounds ridiculous, but no more ridiculous than a law that creates division and is clearly based on the same type of fear of a minority group coming together that was used to create Jim Crow. I hear a lot of inaccurate and false information on how the United States is becoming a socialist society, but this attempt at thought control is the very demonstration of socialism in action: making sure that everyone is the same and the government is the owner of the information that would be taught. Can someone join me in singing Pink Floyd's Another Brick In The Wall and say, "We don't need no education; we don't need no thought control; hey teachers leave those kids in alone! All in all it's another brick in the wall of misguided Arizona politicians who really need to learn empathy and learn what it is like to be something other than Anglo in America. Guess what they can't do it, won't do it, and will have to die out and become a minority in order for justice to reign in Arizona! What a pity? 

One more question why was Hamilton and future naturalized citizens not allowed to pursue the office of the President of the United States of America? When you visit the isle of Nieves in the West Indies you may get an alternative view from a native perspective that you cannot and will not get here in the states, but in Arizona you may not be able to discuss the notion that Hamilton had birthers too! Just ask Jefferson about why he referred to Hamilton as "that mongrel from Nieves." The alternative view is extremely important because we now have technology that verifies stories told by slaves and islanders but were dismissed by historians loyal to our iconic Founding Fathers. 

Arizona how about a little academic freedom, and please allow some alternative voices and views at the table! This is why you still don't get it! But hope springs eternal and I am rooting for you because the future of America is too crucial and it will be one of a Hispanic majority. My Anglo brothers and sisters,  you may want to keep that affirmative action thing because I think your grandchildren may need it because if you don't they will come to know how I felt in the 1960s if the flamethrowers in Arizona keep getting their way! American history is everyone's history, but it has been traditionally been delivered and presented primarily as the European version of American history with limited appearances by people of color and women who often and usually played great roles in developing the narrative. The victors always used to write the history books, but this is becoming increasingly difficult to sustain in the digital age. Anglos were the victors back in the day, but now we are all victors when we share the rich history of America and how everyone has contributed and not just the talented tenth who were nearly all Anglo males. One of the major reasons why so many Americans often have problems in dealing with the rest of the world is because as a nation too many of us don't study or understand other cultures, and truthfully speaking too many of us don't want to understand other cultures because too many of us don't value other cultures because too many of us view other cultures as inferior. I did not say all Americans, most Americans, or many Americans because no one has a true quantitative number, but I can say too many of us view other cultures as inferior by simply viewing the qualitative results from the perspective of those who have been negatively impacted. I love America and served this country but too many of us are displaying some unattractive viewpoints that are indicative of when someone does not respect another culture or the history of that culture. I did not say that we have to love another culture, but we need to learn to understand what we can and respect  other cultures if we want our culture to be respected and embraced.That is the power of our form of the American culture: the power of shared ideas.  This is the critical point of this entire piece: people recognize when you deem their history, their culture, their ideas and their very existence as inferior and they recoil when they are not respected. For many people of color, it has been love on a one-way street: the Anglo way or the highway because there is no respect just patronage.

 At the end of the day, this is all about respect. If you respect people for who they are and what they have done, you would cease and desist from trying to mold them into your image of what they should be. This educational hegemony worked great in the 19th and 20 centuries, but in the 21st century it is not so easy to hide from the truth or the numbers, and the numbers say that a minority majority will be running things in America and some people know it and are trying to make sure that the South will rise again in a futile attempt to prevent the inevitable. Arizona, let's give a real educational experience that begins with enabling academic freedom for teachers and respect for the students, their history and their individual cultures. Respecting other cultures is not politically correct or multi-cultural, respecting other cultures is what America was built on! If you don't believe me, read the Constitution some time and you will see it in the Bill of Rights that was designed to protect the rights of the minority from an oppressive majority! There was some great foresight exercised by the Founding Fathers that apparently has deserted too many of their successors who would rather win at all costs and the consequences be damned! That my friends is The Real Gold Standard!

 

Are our Children the Future?

Art Mann in the middle of a Wild On Drunk Fight

I have always been amazed at the ingenuity of today's youth. Even my best friend's kids can do things with computers that I could never even dream of doing. It's not just one set of kids. It seems kids these days are endowed with the the ability to master technology in a manner of nanoseconds. However as an adult, I realize that there is no substitute for maturity, life experiences and, most important of all, common sense. Kids these day lack common sense. I would have to argue that the concepts involved in common sense are so simplistic that it never occurs to our youth to exercise them. Case in point, if you have ever been subjected to the drunken revelry of Art Mann Presents you would think it's, well for lack of a better word, sobering. I am sitting in my house furrowing my brow at the utter reckless abandon being displayed across my 65 inch television. Showtime has a moniker. The moniker is "no limits." Yes, and that's exactly what these drunken college students are exhibiting as they go crashing head first into a door. Beer, not just a little but a lot of it, fails to make you realize the intransigence of inanimate objects. That's just one example. I know what you are going to say. The prototypical drunken college student is nothing new.

If you went to Podunk U, you probably remember a few mornings when the ceiling wouldn't stop spinning. This is not what I am talking about. I am talking about Art Mann sticking a microphone in some inebriated college student's face and allowing the student a chance to get on television. Inevitably, the college student will shout the first nonsensical thought that emerges from the vast recesses of his impaired brain. The student's dissertation may be seemingly harmless but what worries me is the fact that his peers seem to identify with it. Yes, this is the scary part. I shout, therefore I am. This has to remind you of a speech given by Sarah Palin, doesn't it ?

I am watching a grim faced Art Mann holding his microphone up to a student with green hair and green make up. Art Mann must think America is the greatest country in the world. It affords him the chance to make a very decent living interviewing individuals who have no compunction about making complete asses of themselves on cable television. As much as I would like to criticize him for painting a bad picture of today's youth, I can't. He is in the exploitation business. What's the exploitation business ? Talk to the guy who produces all those "Girls Gone Wild" videos. Here's what I know. If I have a camera and a sound boom attached to it, I will bet you "dollars to donuts" that the average person wants to be in front of it. I'm not going to say it's human nature, but most people like getting on television. Why you ask ? Because, why wouldn't you want to be a part of something that you have dedicated about one third of your life to watching?

Let's get back to Art Mann, who by the way is completely sober. Yes, Art is allowing these poor students to babble on uncontrollably why he gets great footage for his show. He is now interviewing some girl who is dressed up like Josey and Pussycats. Art is a facilitator. God bless the person who created the idiot box, because it allows me to watch a segment of America's youth make complete fools of themselves. Despite the frat parties, drunken displays of decadence and lack of common sense, I submit America's youth is no better or no worse than the rest of us.

Online Dating -Finding What You Want

Online dating : How to get REAL DATES (Part 3)

I got bored tonight, so I decided to scour the online personals to see what was out there. There was no shortage of lonely souls out there just itching to find Mr. Right or Missus Right Now? Since I am a guy, I was looking at the never ending paragraph of what women want. Yes this seems to be a reoccurring theme in my life, trying to decipher exactly what they want. For all of you married people out there, you need to understand the single man's mentality. It's sort of akin to the conclusion of roll call on Hill Street Blues. You know, "let's do it to them, before them do it to us." Dating is an adversarial exercise in these days of modern technology. Cell phones, text messaging and even e-mail are living, breathing receptacles for mixed messages, misinformation and surprises. I hate surprises. OK, I hate surprises when they aren't good surprises. Worse than that, I really hate personality disorders which brings me to the topic I have been trying to get to for the past five sentences. I'm not talking in circles, I promise.

Suffice it to say, I am generally surprised by a woman's idea of the prototypical soul mate. That's the great thing about online personal ads, they are so diplomatic. Everybody is on their P's and Q's. For example:

I would like to meet an intelligent gentleman, who is confidant but not arrogant. He has to be sensitive and take pride in his appearance. He is financially secure and at a place in his life where he is open to explore my activities. He must be well read, well traveled and like going with me to museums and most importantly, be a patron of the arts.

Now correct me if I am wrong, but this poor sap has just described James Bond. The last time I checked, James Bond was fictional character. I don't know of too many law enforcement officers who drive an Aston Martin. In fact, I don't know of any. Whatever the case may be, why don't these girls keep it real and describe what they really want?

I want a guy who is over 6 feet tall. I'm tired of all these short guys approaching me, because I can't wear heels with my cocktail dress. He better work out too because if I see another beer belly, I'm going to lose it. Please make more money than me because if I date another guy who wants to go dutch, I will friggin' scream. Please have some table manners and etiquette. I can't stand under-employed men who chew with their mouth open. It would be nice to have an intelligent conversation with a man about something other than football or the fights. Oh and by the way, please shave the hair on your back. It's less than attractive. Men are supposed to walk erect, not with their knuckles scraping the ground.

Women aren't the only ones who aren't completely truthful about what they want on a personals profile. Not that I look at guy's profiles, but I have been asked to look at a few by some of my female friends. Yes contrary to popular belief, I have female friends who I don't presently sleep with. Actually, they are a pretty good source of entertainment. You can pretty much say anything to your female friends without them getting offended and taking it too personally. I know, you don't have to say it. I have a heart of gold. This brings me to my next point. As a guy, what do you say in your profile that will get you approached? Here's an example:

I would like an attractive, intelligent woman. I want her to be self assured and confidant. She must be open to new ideas and like sports. She must have the ability to adapt to many different situations as my friends are an eclectic mix of people.

OK now by a show of hands, who wants me to translate ? What does the guy really want to say in his profile ? I will give you the R rated version because the true version will offend those with delicate sensibilities.

I would like a really hot girl with a rocking body. It would also be nice if she filled out a blouse nicely too. There are bonus points for that. She can't be too much of a pain in the ass because I like to watch Woody Woodpecker on Saturday mornings, followed by the baseball game and a night of power drinking. She should be open to new things, especially my activities which are basically the same every weekend. You know, killing it with a carload of my knucklehead friends and pitchers of beer. She better be confidant and have thick skin because my drinking buddies can be crass and say inappropriate things.

If you want to be entertained, then read the personals. In fact, read them twice. You might find a hidden message from your potential sweetheart.

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Point - CounterPoint: Marriage Vs. Baby Momma Drama!

By Dr. Chris A. Heidelberg & Charles “Chip” Jenkins, Jr., Esq.

 

Dr. Chris A. Heidelberg III

Often at The Real Gold Standard, Chip and I have legitimate differences of opinion on the issues that Chip usually writes about and speaks about on our web sites. As a publisher and producer, a major part of my job is bringing new ideas and topics to the table and this is when the controversy and the debates begin. This is why Chip often brings me into the fray to answer comments on hot button issues after he has already started the fire that has transformed into a towering inferno. Chip’s last post set off the alarm bells on the topic of marriage, so I decided to provide another voice on this subject. All of this brings me to our article for today which will be the

Charles Chip Jenkins, Jr. Esq.

first of many that feature both of us expressing our opinions on hot issues. For purposes of continuity these debates will be called point- counter point. I will be arguing for marriage, and you can guess everyone’s favorite bachelor, Chip, will be the defense lawyer for not getting married. Warning, you will be laughing often while reading this article!

 

 

Today's issue is marriage, and should high profile figures marry the mothers of their children when there are multiple children involved and there is no abuse, drugs, or mental illness involved?

 

We are tackling this issue because one reader Hassan suggested that we tackle this issue because LeBron James spoke so highly of wanting to make sure that his kids look up to him as a father and as a dad. However, Chip's father, the Godfather, credited LeBron for being named the NBA's MVP again plainly and then emphatically stated to Hassan, "Yeah, he's doing great winning the MVP, taking great care of the boys, their mother and his mom, but he still hasn't married that girl yet." When Hassan relayed me this story, I was initially shocked and I wondered will Chip want to really tackle this one? Well if you have read this site or watched our videoblogs, you know that no one is too sacred and no topic is off limits! So you know what that means? LeBron, we didn't want to do it, but we have to do it!  Even though we love you LeBron, we had to do it because we have taken Gilbert Arenas, Tiger, Big Ben and other folks that we actually like to the woodshed. Don’t worry Lawrence Taylor, the original L.T., you are next!

 

As a point of disclosure, I have met LeBron and on both occasions he has really been a great guy and a real credit to the sport. I love his style, his business acumen and how he carries it as a strong "goal model." Yes, I have great love for the brother, but as a father of a daughter I wish he would marry the sister.

 

Dr. Chris A. Heidelberg III

The marriage rate for Black men is horrific in this country!  In fact, the marriage rate for Black men is so horrible that less than 50% of brothers are not married. In fact, the real number is embarrassing that I will not even mention it in this article. For the record, Anglo men in America are joining the unwed mothers’ game too, so let’s not make this a racial thing. I mean even Tom Brady took a minute before settling down and he didn't really get taken to task by the media elite for ditching his actress girlfriend and rolling with supermodel Giselle. Listen, I am not a hater, I get it!  However, I wonder what is going to become of the social order if people stop making the ultimate commitment  and decide not to put it on paper! I do not even have a problem if a brother pulls a Kanye, and says, "If you not a punk holler, we want pre-nupt, yeah it's something that you need to have, so when we she leave your butt she don't leave with half." As a dad who just put in the 18 years plus that Kanye West refers to in his song, I think that we need to get these young brothers to make a statement and start marrying these sisters! Claim them! I mean we are talking two kids in LeBron’s case, not one! If she is good enough for two kids, you obviously trust her, so to quote LeBron’s real friend Beyonce: put a ring on it!

 

We cannot and should not complain about the young men today of every stripe, especially young men of color, when we as men are not doing our part to bring back the social order. It is interesting to me that gay men are fighting tooth and nail to get married and have kids while straight men are running from the sisters, their babies and marriage like it is a terminal condition! Please brothers, if you can afford to pay the costs to be the boss or even the king, you can afford to crown a queen. At least LeBron is taking care of his kids and his mom and that is a start!  With great power, comes great responsibility, LeBron this is your chance to send a message to the brothers. You have had two kids and you probably have a list of female admirers that most men could only dream of my brother, but if you want to really show your sons what they need to do just marry their mother and show them that she is worthy of you for life. There is an old saying in sports that dictates that you play to the whistle and you finish plays with authority, so in the words of your favorite sponsor just do it!

 

Listen, marriage is not prison! Alright if you have been institutionalized with a 20 plus to life sentence like me, you will find out that it isn't half bad and you actually live longer, are healthier, and tend to be wealthier. The fact that LeBron is wealthy takes away the number one excuse that most of us brothers use to prevent getting married: finances. Yeah, Chip you can't use this as an excuse either! Counselor, I understand that your argument is that Lebron is in his twenties and that he should take his time because we don't need another Tiger! To the contrary my friend, Tiger's experience should tell LeBron that he better love the one you're with because you cannot trust the rest because some may be golddiggers, some may be angry and some may be looking for fame. Chip none of us is clean or angels and I include myself in the picture. Let’s get brothers in the race for the long haul to teach our sons to man up and be responsible. Now, is the time to step your game up LeBron, and counselor I am not surprised that you are defending the indefensible because it is a product of your legal training, but most of these women live in the real world and often do what they have to do because they have fewer options. In fact, I would submit to you that even with a big payday that LeBron's girl actually has fewer options because how many real men will want to have the shadow of LeBron James always in the picture because he is a tough act to follow. I just want girls like my daughter to have the same opportunities as boys have, and I am afraid that this opportunity is being lost when a young women is giving up her productive years with no commitment, and saddled with children, often multiple children, to raise alone and that is sad. Now it is true that too many of these sisters are making bad decisions, and are making it real easy for brothers to get away with the nonsense, so they need to step up their games too!  At the end of the day, the bottom line my brother, is that Lebron and brothers like him need to step their games up because they are the future. I know he can do it! I am rooting for him to win it off the court and on the court and I want him to win a championship in both arenas too, but please for God's sake let the king lead the next generation by example and the preachers and parents will have a fighting chance to balance things out for our women! That's my take, and that my friends is The Real Gold Standard!  Please folks, spare me the puritanical references because you know that I don’t roll that way! Alright ladies and gentlemen, Chip Jenkins will make his case for the defense.

 

 

Charles Chip Jenkins, Jr. Esq.

Dr. Chris I love you like a brother, but you must be out of your mind. You are telling me that LeBron James is the father of two kids by the same lady, yet he hasn't made her an honest woman. All I can say is that there is a reason he ain't married. To be honest with you Chris, I have to give LeBron credit.  Unlike a large percentage of the population, LeBron has decided to take his sweet time before he ties the knot and why shouldn't he ? He is a multimillionaire basketball player who has the potential to become a billionaire.  The last thing my man LeBron needs is to have the public talking about what a rat he is for sleeping with other women.  Besides as far as I'm concerned, kids or no kids, he is too young to get married.  LeBron is only twenty five years old.  He probably has another fifteen years in the league.   Do you really expect him to enter the priesthood at such a tender age? 

 

I've noticed something about you married guys. Why is it that every last one of you wants me, the single guy, to join your club?  I am a single guy. By definition, that means I don't have a wife to cheat on! In other words, I am Mr. Clean. Now all you married guys or men of the cloth as I call you think we single guys should commit. My only question is whose side are you on?  Leave us be! We are single for a reason and it's not the reason you think.

 

This is what kills me. You married guys think that our weekends look like one of Hugh Heffner's soirees. I have married friends that routinely ask me what night club I am going to.   My response is to look at them like they have two heads. On the weekends, I usually piddle around my house, go to the mall, catch a UFC pay per view and try to recover from the rigors of a stressful work week.  If a lady friend should happen to drop by, well, I enjoy that as well. Being single doesn't mean you are out with a lamp shade on top of your head.

 

In my humble opinion, marriage is a huge decision that should not be entered into lightly. If you are not married, it doesn't mean that there is anything wrong with you. Society has a vested interest in its citizens getting married. However you should not, unless you just absolutely have come to the conclusion that you cannot live without this person. Having a child with someone is just one consideration in whether you should marry someone or not.

 

You make a valid point that the marriage rate for black males is significantly less than 50%.  It sounds to me like you are stating that this is a sad commentary for the black family.  Part of me wants to agree with you.  I have had the benefit of growing up in a loving two parent family.  My folks were very supportive and are still supportive of all my endeavors.  However professor, I must offer a dissenting opinion.   Marriage, by definition, means forever.  LeBron is twenty five years old.  I have no idea if he is completely faithful to this woman or not, but I'm sure there is no shortage of women who are making him some very attractive offers.  If LeBron got married now and strayed, he would be committing the cardinal sin of adultery.  Maybe LeBron knows something we don't. Maybe LeBron holds the hallowed institution of marriage as sacred as I do and doesn't want to break his vows.  By getting married before he is ready, LeBron is doing himself, his kids and the young lady in question a disservice.  Not all of us were meant to be married professor, just like not all of us were meant to stand behind a lecturn and impart our knowledge to young and impressionable minds.

 

I hear the Afrocentric mantra of stand and be counted! Yes, there are a lot of brothers out there that are doing the right thing.  They are married and have taken the time, care and effort to be good dads and even better husbands. To this segment of the population, I have nothing but applause.  LeBron was bought up in a single parent household and he seems to have turned out to be a fine young man.  Look, just because he can dunk a basketball does not make him obligated to carry the Ark of Respectability. Doctor, doctor, let this brother be. When he is ready to marry this lovely woman, who has given birth to his kids, he will do so after much contemplation and soul searching.  If he ends up marrying someone else, then I am sure his decision will be made with the utmost care.

 

Did you forget that the government gets to collect higher taxes from people who are married?  I'm not a misogamist Professor.  I think the institution of marriage is a beautiful thing.  If it weren't for marriage, I might not be here.  All I know is that Tiger Woods got married, had two kids and then he realized he was missing out on the booty parade.   Doctor I know you don't want the same thing to befall LeBron, do you ? To me, an NBA road trip sounds like nothing but an accident waiting to happen.   LeBron James is a 25 year old man in the prime of his sexual life, not a 50 year old priest who has taken a vow of chastity. What do you think happens on the road professor?

 

Infidelity happens, I realize that.  Kids or no kids, LeBron should not get married until he is ready.

 

Joint Statement

 

For the record, we both love LeBron and will be rooting for him. We both agree that he is doing the right thing by taking care of his family, and we sincerely hope that men of every hue will willingly follow the example that he has set already. One of us, Dr. Chris, just believes that he will be better off getting married over the long haul, especially if he is trying to be a billionaire as he has stated that he has he wants to be. On the other hand, Chip, the single attorney and former pro athlete, believes that he should stay single because he is young, the temptations are many and legally he is in a great position right now . While we may disagree on marriage, both Chip and I want all brothers of every hue to step their games up so that this nation can compete economically on the global stage and win! One thing is for sure is that it is always interesting when the product of the single headed family is arguing for marrriage and the product of a successful marriage argues for staying single, it is clear that this case is far from closed so stay tuned for future editions of point-counterpoint.

 

Ladies and gentlemen, you have heard Dr. Chris’ side of the argument and you have heard counselor Chip’s side of the argument, who do you agree with and why? Register your vote online now with a comment and who you are voting for on this issue. You have heard the point and the counter-point and that my friends is The Real Gold Standard!

 

 

Marriage: A Lifestyle Choice

ELIOT SPITZER MATT LAUER TODAY SHOW APRIL 06 2009 FIRST INTERVIEW SINCE HOOKER SCANDAL

Much ado has been made lately about famous married men cheating on their spouses. The one thing that is not asked is "why do these women stay with their men ?" Is it out of a sense of loyalty, love or marital obligation ? After all, why should these women remain silent and swallow the humiliation they obviously had to endure? There are those that would argue that most people see their marriage as an investment in time and money. Marriage creates a certain sense of security as well as comfort. Most people are reticent to venture out of their comfort zone. Then, of course, there is the fear of the unknown.

This society has made it natural for us to be into titles. Being married represents a certain status in today's society. Getting divorced represents another status. For those goal oriented individuals among us, if you are divorced it means that you have failed at society's prized institution. Why are people willing to sacrifice their own happiness to prove that they can succeed at something that makes them so unhappy ? This is one I have never figured out.  Now I have never been married, so there are those of you out there who would argue that I have no earthly idea of what I am talking about. However, I have heard enough stories from women who have been married for ten years and were only happy for two. After much trying, these women are back out there. I recently asked one of my divorced friends what it's like to be out there again. Of course she denied being out there at all, since the ink was not dry on her divorce. I reminded her that her husband had left the building and she had already stuck her big toe in the dating pool.  You know, the pool that's filled with piranhas and crocodiles. Last week, she asked me why the gentleman who seemed so perfect for her hadn't even bothered to call. Two weeks had gone and passed and there still was no sign of our complicated Lothario. I informed her that the answer to that question was self-evident.

Who wants to go on a date when they are forty years old ? Even worse, who wants to go on an online date when they are forty years old? You would think the humiliation of catching your husband in a compromising position with his secretary, trousers akimbo, is bad enough.  Add an online date with a socially retarded Romeo to the mix and you got what I call is "the roughest of the roughest." That's right, it's the societal equivalent of kicking a woman when she is down. Dating is a subculture onto itself. If you haven't bothered to put it in its proper perspective, it can be a daunting task especially after being married for ten years.

In social terms, getting divorced and dating again is the equivalent of declaring bankruptcy.  You have to start all over

Tiger Woods' Lady Rachel Uchitel .rmvb

 again.  For a lot of people, it is a humiliating undertaking.  As bad as it may sound, I submit that it beats being in a horrible, loveless, lifeless marriage. Sometimes you have to take two steps back to move forward. There are worse things than being single.  Remember, titles don't mean a thing when you are not happy. At least when you find yourself single again, you realize it can only get better.